I loved this part of what I liked to call my “admission spiel,” because I enjoyed helping families dive into financial aid and scholarships.
Anyway, I launched into one particular admission spiel with a family in my office one day. We talked through the available merit-based scholarships the student would automatically receive through the college. (Based on his grade point average and ACT score.) Then I brightly said, “And don’t forget to fill out scholarship applications in your community and online!”
The student avoided his parents’ gaze.
The student’s dad chuckled and his mom said dryly, “The problem is getting him motivated to actually do them.”
Sound familiar?
Kids seem to fall into two camps: Those who apply for scholarships like it’s their job and those who have no interest in scholarship applications at all. The kids in the latter group might just need a little nudge. Here’s how to get your high schooler started.
Step 1: Have the talk. (The money talk!)
Your child needs to hear why it’s important to get scholarships. This may mean breaking down costs in a visual way so she can see where the gaps will be if she doesn’t apply for them.
For example, you might want to break it down like this — and you can get way fancier than I did, with charts and pie graphs and whatever!
Dream school cost: $50,000 per year
Amount of financial aid you’ll receive based on dream school’s net price calculator(net price calculators live on financial aid pages and estimate how much financial aid you may get): $20,000 per year
Total cost after net price calculator results: $30,000
Amount in 529 plan: $60,000 ($15,000 to be distributed over four years)
Out-of-pocket costs: $15,000 per year
Note: You’ll be basing this off the net price calculator, which is an estimate, but that’s okay. It’ll give you a rough idea to figure out how much potential out-of-pocket costs you’ll have.
If the out-of-pocket costs make your high schooler nervous, assure her that you’re going to work together to figure out that out-of-pocket amount. But tell her that scholarships are going to help out a lot — and that it’s better than taking out oodles of loans.
Step 2: Hammer out a goal. Then set smaller goals.
It’s hard to get started if you have no final goal. In high school, goals are built right in: English persuasion paper is due on such-and-such a date, for example. Science test on Friday.
Then, set a big goal with your child — one that you can both agree on, like “Complete 50 scholarship applications” between June and August (or whatever it may be).
Then, within that goal, set up mini-goals. A mini-goal could be like this: “Research and choose 10 scholarships to apply for during the first two weeks of June.” One of my favorite phrases: “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” (Supposedly Confucius said it — how do they know that? I picture some guy following him around all day, writing down every word he said.)
Anyway, I recommend breaking everything down that you possibly can.
Step 3: Play to your child’s strengths.
This means two things. It means knowing your child’s capabilities within those goals. Does your child despise writing essays, even if they’re about himself? Work with him to find scholarships that eliminate an essay component or require a brief essay.
Also, make a list of your kiddo’s strengths. What’s unique about him? What does he have going for him that can niche his way into scholarships? Does he plan to major in something specific? Does he have a disability? Do his hobbies qualify him for a scholarship? Brainstorm and do some hearty research online.
Step 4: Help your high schooler get organized.
My daughter takes piano lessons, and can you guess the hardest part of practicing? You got it — getting started. She dreads it, but once she gets into a new piece, she’s fine. In fact, I finally started giving her permission to play the songs the worst she could the first time around so that they sounded terrible. That seems to work.
The hardest part is getting started, and it seems especially true for kids. (It may be hard for you as well!) But you know that once you actually get into something, it’s not so bad. But you have to start somewhere!
It helps to have a plan mapped out ahead of time so your child can stick to goals. Sticky notes on a calendar work really well. If you want to get techy, use a project management tool like Trello or Asana to keep your child on his or her goals. I personally use Trello for work and I love how due dates turn yellow and send you email reminders when a deadline looms closer.
Step 5: Talk to everyone about scholarships.
Next, alk to anyone who might have a connection — your job, your partner’s job, your neighbor — whoever you can think of! And yes, talk to that guidance counselor and those at colleges. This can be you and your child’s fact-finding mission.
Finally, once one of you find out about a scholarship, what will you do? You bet — you’ll put it on the “to do” calendar.
Step 6: Develop a few key paragraphs for pluck ’n plug.
What do I mean by pluck ’n plug? Easy: Develop a beginning, middle and end for scholarship essays that your child can use for just about any scholarship application. It’ll be a paragraph you can store on Trello, Asana or Google docs.
Will every scholarship application sound the same? Of course not! However, it sure does help with getting started when you already have something to work with.
These three paragraphs should be kind of like writing an essay for school. Your child should write an attention-grabbing intro:
My name’s Sadie and I’ve been blind since I was two. How did it happen? Unfortunately, that’s my earliest memory. My brother was a science whiz (and also 13 years older than me). One day, he…
An equally gripping middle, which addresses questions asked in individual scholarship essays (you’ll have to add answers to those later):
What’s the largest predictor of success, you ask? I believe I’ve had to overcome a lot in my life, and college is just one more of the series of challenges. I’ve read a lot (audio books are my fave!) of books about leadership and perseverance and one thing I’ve learned is that grit matters. In fact, it’s one of the largest predictors of success. Never quitting. Digging in and waking up thrilled for the challenges you face every single day, whether your world is full of color or not.
A conclusion that ties it all together:
So, I learned at an early age that life doesn’t always go as planned. But you know what? I think I dream in color — even if I can’t remember exactly what colors look like. I know grit plays a role in what happens when you fall down (blind or not) and that — not talent, not luck — is everything. It’s why I believe I deserve the XYZ Scholarship.
Your kiddo can mix and match, pluck ’n plug. And fill in the gaps. This doesn’t have to be rocket science!
Tackle the Overwhelm
Finally, tell your child she can do this. And stopping short of doing scholarship essays for her, tell her you’ll help her in any way you can.
Also, make sure your child understands that this doesn’t have to be so complicated. It’s only a matter of moving one stone, little by little.
Here it is, the secret to creating a rich experience: Build relationships during the college search.
Building relationships will transform you and your child’s college search experience.
Some days, you may think your high school student flat-out has no desire to build relationships with anyone. You may even go as far as to feel sorry for anyone at a college who’s trying to recruit your kid. After all, when’s the last time you’ve seen your kiddo actually take a phone call?
Your high schooler grew up with a smartphone at his or her fingertips, had Snapchat before he or she started high school and doesn’t remember the absence of the internet. Everyone knows the paralyzing effect smartphones can have on kids’ ability to communicate and build relationships. (But that’s another topic for another day.)
I remember when admission counselors called my house during high school — they actually called our landline. My parents or brother and sister would yell for me, I’d answer the phone and talk to the admission counselor on the other end of the phone. Crazy, huh?
Nowadays, this happens a lot: Admission counselors who call and text high school students get radio silence in return. Email — might as well forget about it.
But making friends during the college search can have lasting benefits and I’m going to challenge you to help your child do that. Can you and your teen build relationships with as many people as possible during the college search?
It’s so worth it, I promise.
Building Relationships is Key
Okay, so all of this begs the question: Why is it so important to know people, what with so many online research options at your child’s fingertips?
I’d like to point out one simple thing: Your child is going to have to interact with people during college. The beautiful buildings and nice residence halls don’t really care whether your child likes his professors or whether his work-study supervisor is a kind person. The people make a college experience extraordinary, not the six rock-climbing walls or chocolate pie in the cafeteria.
Meeting people, building relationships and fostering those friendships even after the college search can be transformational. Here are some examples of powerful connections I witnessed at the college where I worked:
Our vice president for enrollment management hosted Thanksgiving at her home several years in a row and invited students she connected with during their college search. (Their hometowns were too far away for them to travel home for a long weekend.)
Admission counselors arranged to have dinner with families of students they recruited whenever they were recruiting in the area.
The assistant director of financial aid connected with students during the first week of classes to make sure they were thriving. She always encouraged the students to see her whenever they needed something, whether they needed school supplies or even a home-cooked meal.
I talked with the fantastic Anna Dealy, associate director of advancement communication at the Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, Massachusetts. She used to work in enrollment at a private liberal arts college. “I had a territory that was a little further away. I met this student and she was a rockstar throughout the admission process and I got to know her and her family. On move-in day, I made it a point to meet with her on campus and welcome her to our community. There’s so much value in making sure people who come from further away have someone they can reach out to,” Dealy says.
She made it a point to keep up with the student throughout her four years at the college, too. Dealy says it was great to keep up with her life at the college, her studies and hear about her extracurricular activities.
“A few years later, I went out to visit her high school and it was great to talk to her guidance counselor and tell her about the things that the student was doing on campus. The mom even met me at the school to bring me Chick-fil-A. It was so nice to meet her mom!” Dealy added.
This is exactly what I mean.
Ways Relationships Can Sustain Kids During the College Search and Beyond
Whether your student’s a sophomore or junior in high school, it’s never too early to start building those friendships for later. Here’s how these connections can bloom.
They Can Guide You and Your Child During the College Search Process
When you trust someone from the college you’re looking into, it can really help solidify a decision. For example, let’s say you meet your daughter’s admission counselor, Jessi, who is absolutely awesome. You have an easy camaraderie, and every time your daughter needs something, you say, “Email Jessi! She’ll know the answer.”
Employees (Should!) Embody the Mission of the College or University
The employees you meet are representative of everything the college stands for. Colleges and universities rely on their mission, values and branding guidelines to carry on through their employees. Most employees uphold these standards. Since you can’t meet every single person on a campus during the college search, you can reasonably assume that most of the college embodies these characteristics.
When Push Comes to Shove, You Might Need Some Help with the Decision
Building relationships with people everywhere means your son or daughter will have trusted individuals at each college on his or her shortlist, which will help when it’s time to make a decision.
What do you do when your son says, “I’m not sure I want to go 1,000 miles away from home!”
What’s your first thought? Yep: “Let’s pick up the phone. Jessi can help.”
You’ll Know Your Child is in Trusted Hands
It’s scary and emotional to drop your 18-year-old off at a college on move-in day. (I know, understatement of the year.) But if there’s one small spark of comfort, it’s knowing that your child is going to a really good place.
You can feel good about sending your high schooler off to the right college because of the genuine relationships you’ve built.
Your Child Can Go to that Person for Anything Throughout College — and Beyond
Dealy added a personal touch to admission counseling. “It was so important to me to meet with students who came from further away to have a resource on campus. They were all given my cellphone number and knew they could reach out to me if they had questions,” she said.
Here’s another scenario: Let’s say you and your child meet a coach during the college visit and you know intuitively that that person will be instrumental in your student-athlete’s life. The wrestling coach at my college was like that. Student-athletes adored him and he continues to remain a powerful figure in their lives for years after college.
Dealy says it’s great for networking, too. “You never know who you could be connected to or be in touch with, whether it’s someone at the institution or an alumnus or a friend in the same field. I think networking is really important. The other thing is just to have a resource. Someone who you know you can ask anything of,” says Dealy.
Build Friendships Throughout the College Process
Do you think you can build communication and trust between parents, students and college employees? Can you and your child talk to every single person you meet during a college visit? Why not try?
Build relationships during the college search for lasting benefits — but you and your child must both reciprocate. Reach out. Email. Call. Make those connections!
As a parent, you’ll be glad you built those friendships during the college search, Dealy says.
“I think it gives parents a sense of comfort when they’re sending their students off to college. You’re trusting that institution and the people you’ve met. It can help them feel confident sending your student to a brand-new place on his or her own and find an environment that’s right for their student,” says Dealy.
That was my friend Sarah’s response to the very kind financial aid lady who walked her through her exit counseling before she graduated from college.
Sarah paid for her entire state university education by herself. When Sarah was younger, a financial planner told her parents, “College will be too expensive when she’s ready to go off to college. I wouldn’t even bother trying to save for it.”
So they didn’t. The expectation was set: She’d be responsible for every dime, with the exception of an occasional tank of gas to get her back to school.
She took out student loans for everything — housing, meals, tuition. Sarah was in debt to the tune of $80,000 by the time she graduated with her sociology degree.
So, get this. Sarah’s much-younger sister visited my office when I was working in admission. Her sister wanted to forgo the big state school experience and go to a private college — she happened to choose the college where I worked.
As they worked through the financial aid portion of the decision, her parents said, “I wish we’d thought to ask about an installment plan when Sarah was in school.” Things might have been different for Sarah — they admitted that they’d simply been paralyzed by the final out-of-pocket costs and turned to student loans “because that’s how people afford college.”
It’s really, really easy to lean on student loans if you don’t know other alternatives exist. A tuition installment plan can make college affordable. Here’s what you need to know and why they’re awesome.
What’s an Installment Plan?
An installment plan, commonly called a monthly payment plan or tuition installment plan (we called it a 10-month payment plan at the college I worked for) lets you or your student break up the total costs. This means that you can attack the remaining balance and pay it over a typical nine- to 12-month period.
For example, let’s say your out-of-pocket costs (the remainder after taking scholarships, grants and federal student loans into consideration) total $10,000. This remaining balance can be spread over 10 months — a $1,000 monthly payment.
Makes a $10,000 out-of-pocket remainder seem much more palatable, right?
Some colleges and universities execute their own tuition installment plans but most use outside providers like the ECSI Tuition Payment Plan (TPP), for example.
Most colleges’ installment plans cover only the direct costs billed by and paid to the college, which includes:
Tuition
Fees
Room and board (only applicable if your child lives on campus)
Books, supplies, equipment and transportation to and from school are not covered.
Most colleges or outside providers will accept either a credit or debit card or a savings or checking account at a bank.
Here are some obvious benefits — and some not-so-obvious benefits — on why installment plans are a gift and a great option for many parents.
1. An installment plan might eliminate the need to take on debt.
It’s easy to shut down when you see a large tuition bill. I remember families focusing so much on that final number. “Whaaaa… $10,000?! There’s no way I can pay $10,000 for one year of school!”
And that may very well have been the case. But what happens when you break it down into smaller chunks? We were always asked to help families imagine the possibilities with us.
“Is it possible to work with $10,000 (or whatever the out-of-pocket amount is) if it’s chopped up?” We’d encourage them to be as creative as possible — cancel some subscriptions, pay off the car or get a side gig to help out.
Imagine the ways you could break it down into manageable chunks! You might just eliminate the need to take on any debt at all.
2. You can borrow and pay on an installment plan.
Still stymied by the idea of paying the full amount on installment? Car payments, mortgage payments, private school tuition, groceries, dog grooming — gah! The costs add up fast.
It always seems like there’s an extra one-time expense every month at our house. (Last summer, it went like this, in this order: Car repairs! Landscaping! A broken air conditioner!) I know how coming up with any extra money can seem like trying to boil the ocean.
If the pinch is too much but you know you want to contribute to your child’s college tuition, you can take out a loan such as a Parent Plus Loan (check out my article on how to apply for a Parent Plus Loan in 6 easy steps) or private loans. This could be in addition to opting for an installment plan.
For example, let’s say you look at your monthly budget and figure out that you can’t quite swing the $1,000 that the installment plan would require but you can manage, say, $400 per month instead. Take the rest out in loans.
There’s no shame in combining tactics. Think outside the box!
3. You and your child can tackle college payments together.
It may be time to tag-team. Your student may have a job at the local grocery store or waits tables at Applebee’s. You both know you can work together to make the monthly payments. Why not? It can be a “you-pay-half and I’ll-pay-half” scenario.
Now, most installment plans will not let your student sign up alone. However, you can connect your student’s bank account to the service for an automatic transfer every month. (Just make sure your child remembers to keep the account fully stocked before that payment rolls around!)
Paying together is a great approach and a way for both of you to shoulder the responsibility for your child’s education. If your kiddo doesn’t think he can quiiiiteswing a full half, try to work together to figure out an amount that’s fair.
4. You can count on it like clockwork.
Making a monthly tuition installment can become as routine as paying a credit card bill every month or making your mortgage payment. Dare I say that there’s something uh… comforting… about paying a bill that you know will arrive each month?
Remember that the first payment might be most expensive due to fees.
5. Fees are cheaper than student loans.
True, the service fee could add up to three percent to your bill, but an installment plan is still less expensive than diving headfirst into student loans. Tuition installment plans have a small upfront enrollment fee (approximately $100 to $150) and do not charge interest.
That’s still lower than the majority of student loan interest rates. For example, a Parent Plus Loan disbursed on or after July 1, 2019, and before July 1, 2020 carries a 7.08 percent interest rate. This is a fixed interest rate.
Makes a monthly payment plan look mighty nice, huh?
One of the most effective ways to save money is to automatically whisk it from your bank account each month — before you get a hankering to spend it.
Same with an installment plan. It’ll automatically be zipped from your bank account each month. You might not even notice it — much.
The point is, it’s easier than worrying about paying money back later.
Choose an Installment Plan to Break Down Costs
Now, I know the total I chose to use — $10,000 — throughout this blog post may seem way too small. Many families will face much larger out-of-pocket costs. However, the monthly payment plan option still shrinks the cost to a more manageable amount, no matter how you slice it.
Remember my friend Sarah’s story at the beginning? (She’s extremely successful these days, by the way, and student-loan free! She paid off her student loans in a flash, about five years after she graduated from college. She’s amazing.)
One thing that stood out to me about her college journey was that she and her parents didn’t build a relationship with anyone during the college admission process — they did everything online. They didn’t even realize the possibility of a payment plan existed until her little sister went off to college. (See why it’s so important to build those relationships?)
Today, my friend is a huge advocate for talking things through as a family and trying to be creative when reducing costs. She wishes she and her parents would have read through how to handle a disappointing financial aid award before she went off to college, or at least thought through implications of every single option available.
A tuition installment plan can make college affordable — and can even help you feel so much better about the cost of college.
When my husband and I have budgeted before, it’s been sort of a disaster. Here’s a sample conversation:
Him: “Uh, sorry, honey, we had some emergency car repairs.”
Me: “Well, it’s okay because I accidentally went $100 over budget on groceries. I’m so sorry.” (It was always things we couldn’t live without, I swear, like milk and toilet paper — not Pop-Tarts and ice cream!)
When you want to help pay for your child’s college education, are you thinking you’ll need the budget fairy to wave her magic wand? Are you thinking there’s no way you’ll get the hang of budgeting before college rolls around?
Budgeting isn’t always the answer to having enough to pay for college, though. And extreme cheapskate money hacks aren’t always the answer, either.
In fact, it drives me bonkers when I see blogs and websites that encourage you to make your own laundry detergent to save $34 a year. Or the ones that suggest only showering at the gym to save on the water bill. (Those articles are admittedly fun to read, though they should all be titled “The Best Frugal Ways to Torture Yourself.”)
I read about not budgeting in “Automatic Millionaire” by David Bach. Bach’s premise is that you pay your bills, your emergency fund, tuition — everything — online. (The big takeaway is that you save for retirement automatically, too.)
He says budgets don’t work, and I tend to agree. Budgets can be so impossible because something unexpected seems to crop up every month. If you make a budget work, my hat’s off to you, because I’ve never been able to.
It’s a really good idea to automate money before your kiddo goes off to college, and not the week after move-in day. Why? Because automating takes some getting used to.
At this point, you might be asking, “This is handy and all, but what does this have to do with college?”
Great question.
The reason I’m writing about it is because automating can help you keep your financial ducks in a row. Knowing exactly how much is automatically whisked away can help you get organized and it can also help you understand how much you have left over to help your child with college expenses. The “stuff” that’s whisked away are the steady items that you know will come out each month and that are for relatively the same amount — such as your water bill, which usually hovers between $50 to $60 per month. Automating can help you get organized and help you understand how much you have left over to help your child with college expenses.
Even if you plan to contribute just a little bit toward college costs, automating will still help you more easily see how much is left over at the end of the month. It’s quicker and you know exactly how much is in your account.
What Can You Automate?
Remember how people (just one generation ago!) had to pay all the bills via check? I now marvel at how they had to keep track of it all.
I remember that my mom used to sit down at the table with a stack of envelopes, her checkbook and her signature roll of stamps. She so very carefully balanced her checkbook several times a month, something I obviously never do because I don’t have to. How did she carve out the time to do that?
Automating offers the solution to a whole host of frustrations: “I don’t like to budget” to “Did I pay that bill already — or not?” Consider these massive benefits:
Automating helps you protect your credit. Your credit score can’t take a zillion missed payments. The three credit bureaus — TransUnion, Equifax and Experian — receive information about your financial activity from your utility company, your garbage service and your mortgage lender — everything. Automating ensures that you pay for things on time so you don’t have a ding on your credit.
You get used to it. Simple, right? You get used to living on less. In terms of retirement savings, it’s the fastest way to wealth building because you don’t even miss it. For example, you won’t spend extra money on Target runs, cute new rugs for the patio and whatever else you can’t resist.
You ensure that you’re saving money without thinking about it. Automating works beyond paying bills! This is my favorite reason to automate: You can save for your future. Automating savings is a great way to save for college because it automatically funnels your money into an account. (The retirement savings advantages are astounding!)
Automating helps you practice living on less. This can be such an advantage. You can funnel your money into a 529 fund or a different type of fund. You’ll never know you’re missing it! Put money into a low-risk fund instead of a 529 plan if college is just around the corner.
Finally, there’s one more benefit: If you’re using automation for savings, it takes some effort to stop making automatic investments. In other words, it might be a major chore to stop automation for important things like college or retirement savings. For example, you might have to go online, remember your login and password, find the button to suspend payments, and on and on. Or you might have to call in and be on the phone with a representative for an hour. (Hardly something you have time to do, right?)
See how this is a good thing? The complicated steps might make it harder for you to stop payments so you continue to put money into your accounts.
How to Automate Your Entire Life
Okay, now I realize that most of you probably already automate. However, here’s the question: What are you missing that you haven’t automated yet? I just realized I’m paying doctor bills by calling into the hospital and our water bill via check. Uh, why?
And if you say, “I’m already automating everything,” are you automating money into savings, too?
It’s not too hard to figure out how to automate your money and long-term financial goals. Simply sign up for autopay at all the companies you make payments to. Automate the following:
Bills
Mortgage payments
Car payments
529 plan payments
Credit card payments
IRAs and other long-term investments
Emergency fund
Soon, you can add college payments to the list and you’ll automate them, of course! You can sign up for a tuition installment plan that will whisk that money away before you’ll even realize it. Check out my article on tuition installment plans if you’re curious to learn more about how they work.
Put yourself on autopilot for everything!
Automating Helps You Practice Replacing Old Expenses with New
It may seem like you’re constantly replacing old expenses with new expenses as your child has gotten older. For example, as your child has grown, you may have replaced:
Formula for baby food
Diapers for Pull-Ups
Daycare costs for private school tuition
Swimming lessons for swim team fees
Youth soccer fees for private coaching sessions
Private school tuition for college
529 savings for actual tuition payments
It seems like once you’re excited to be done paying for one thing, another expense takes its place! (How does that happen?)
It can actually work in your favor when you automate because you can start thinking about which expenses you’re automating now and can later trade for college tuition payments. For example, can you trade your automatic mortgage payment for college tuition?
Here are some examples of current expenses you might be able to trade for college tuition:
Your mortgage (wouldn’t it be so exciting to pay it off?)
Expensive music lessons
Pricey club athletic fees
Private high school tuition
A car (kids often don’t need them in college)
You Can Still Automate Your Money if Your Child’s Ready for College this Fall
If your child’s getting ready to go off to college and you haven’t started automating your finances, it’s not too late. You can still get going now!
Figure out how much you want to contribute for college and start socking that amount away into a separate account — just to get used to having that amount subtracted from your accounts before real payments start in July, or whenever your first tuition payment is due.
The key is to take a look at everything once it’s all automated and then figure out how much is left over, particularly now that you can do a “find-and-replace” now that high school’s over. (No private school tuition, remember?!)
Automate Starting Now
Now, I realize you can automate your money to your heart’s content, but the fact remains: You still have to have the money in your checking account to begin with in order to pay for college.
This is where you might have to get creative. If you need to pull back on certain automatic deductions to make room for college tuition, do it. (Just maybe don’t peel back on your retirement accounts unless you’re sure you’re fully stocked for retirement.)
By the way, speaking of retirement (though it’s a little off-topic, sorry, sorry): “Automatic Millionaire’s” premise is that automating your money can even make you rich. If you’ve automatically deducted money from your paycheck into your retirement fund over a number of years, compound interest will make it so easy for you to save a lot of money. And if you haven’t been deducting money automatically from your paycheck up until now, you can still save a comfortable amount for retirement. You just need to make up for lost time by saving even more. I encourage you to listen to “Automatic Millionaire” or buy the book.
Think of all the ways automating (yes, even while your child’s in college!) can help you save your pennies during your child’s college years. One of the truths I know is that you can always have your child take out a student loan to go to school but you can’t take out a loan to retire.
Your high school graduate may be dragging his feet on the college decision, and it’s not hard to figure out why. During this corona-crazy time, you’re trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other. Your teen may be struggling to a degree you can’t even fathom.
His life has flipped upside down — arguably even more than yours. (Did you withstand a worldwide epidemic that required you to kiss prom, graduation and the senior state track meet good-bye? Of course not.) You might feel a tiny whirl of relief to know that your child may not have to decide on a college until July 1. Whew! (Some schools’ deadlines are still May or June 1, however. If your child had a pile of schools with June 1 or July 1 deadlines, never fear. Most schools still have openings past the deadline.)
Your child might be a bit fearful of the future. As a parent, these changes have crushed you too, and you might be grieving the loss of “what should have been.” Here’s how to help pilot your college-bound child through the next hurdle (with baggage nobody could have anticipated).
I worked in college admission for 12 years and I heard so many parents say, “It’s my child’s decision, not mine.” I never loved that response because I always knew students wanted their parents’ input when it came to making such a big decision. Now more than ever, your child needs to know that you’re there to help.
Furthermore, your teen could be taking cues from you. Do you watch the news on a constant loop or fret about the future?
Remember that it might be hard for your teen to articulate everything he’s feeling — kind of like when he was two and couldn’t explain that his shoes were too tight.
Create a safe communication environment and listen when your child talks. Don’t forget to check your own fears about what’s coming down the pike.
Let your college-bound teen know that you’re there to help him through the decision. Just remember, teens want their parents to help them with this decision, particularly when they’re struggling. Talk about how life can be uncertain but things will get back to normal.
Take Advantage of Colleges’ Extended Deadlines
Carnegie Dartlet, a marketing services company that specializes in higher education institutions, surveyed 4,848 high school seniors about how current events have impacted their college search. The survey found that many students want an extension to the traditional May 1 National Candidate Reply Date — the national deadline for making a college decision.
In fact, 67 percent of students surveyed say they want an extension, at least until June 1 or July 1, and those numbers jump to 74-80 percent for underrepresented minority populations and students with higher financial need.
Breathe! As you can see, your child isn’t the only one who feels this way.
Many colleges have complied with students’ wishes and extended the deadline to accommodate these needs. Take advantage of the extra time — and be proactive. Launch a pros and cons list. Dive even deeper and do a heart/gut check. Don’t be afraid to take a trip down memory lane with your child. Remind him about the awesome college visit at College ABC last fall where you snagged a picture of him beaming during his college visit.
Ask What’s Holding Your Child Back from Making the Decision
What’s holding your child back from making the decision? Is it all the changes combined — summer orientation changes, school delays and extensions? Is it the distance from home? Maybe it’s you? (Again, you may be unwittingly showcasing some anxiety yourself.)
Get to the root of the problem. Ask straight up, “Is there any reason why we can’t put down a deposit for School X right now? It’s the school you’ve been talking about all year.” Then listen carefully to your child’s response.
Here are some common reasons that might be holding your child back.
The Coronavirus (or Worry in General)
Everyone’s plans have changed and it could also cause your child to question everything. It’s up to you to be a calming influence. Try to help your child gain some perspective on his college choice. Try as hard as you can to be a positive, uplifting influence.
In some cases, you may recognize that COVID-19 has aggravated anxiety in your teen and it may be a wise decision for your child to stay closer to home or make a different decision altogether. If necessary, seek outside help.
Distance from Home
The majority (56.2 percent) of public four-year college students attend an institution under an hour’s drive away. Nearly 70 percent attend within two hours of their home, according to the latest Higher Education Research Institute’s CIRP survey.
Your child might be feeling a tad unsettled about making a decision to attend school 10 hours away. Ask if that’s an issue and whether there’s a school that appeals to your high school graduate that’s closer to home. Note: Your child would not be the first one to change his mind at the last minute. It happens — and it’s okay. It’s better to realize this now instead of later!
Money
Is your cost-conscious child close to choosing a college with a hefty sticker price — which would require a handful of loans? If so, that could be what’s holding him back. (And you might be nervous, too.)
There are lots of ways to remedy this situation. Now that COVID-19 has happened, your financial situation may have changed considerably. If it has, let the college know. You may be able to fill out the college’s special circumstance form, where you can indicate a job loss or some other changes in your financial status, including excessive medical bills or another type of serious expense.
Are there other scholarship opportunities available? Find out whether there are additional scholarships your child can still apply for. There may be some new ones that have popped up since the last time you talked with the admission office!
Is work-study available? Work-study is a federally-funded program that can help your son or daughter pay for college. Your child will work on campus (sometimes off campus) and earn money just like in a regular job. Your son or daughter may not have been awarded work-study at all, and this is the time to ask whether it’s available. If work-study is already plugged into the financial aid award, ask if more work-study money can be added.
Was my FAFSA information correct? Ask some deeper questions about the FAFSA — you might have filled it out incorrectly! Was your expected family contribution (EFC) inflated due to one-time income? (EFC is an indicative number that colleges use to determine how much financial aid you’re eligible for.) Did you include an IRA or 401(k), which isn’t required for the FAFSA?
The bottom line: Ask the admission office good questions!
Don’t forget to communicate with colleges about changes in your financial situation. If you or your spouse has lost a job, tell the colleges on your child’s short list. Talking about financial changes could change your college-bound teen’s financial aid awards — in a good way.
Seek Answers to Objections
Help your child get the answers to what’s holding him back from making a decision. For example, if he’s worried about the strength of the engineering program between two schools, reach out to the admission counselor at each school to get some more data. Reach out to a professor. Ask more questions! Draw on those relationships you’ve built throughout the process to help your child make a final college decision.
Maybe your child’s holding back because his friends or his girlfriend are all headed to the state school down the road and he’s been planning to go to a school on the opposite coast. (I hated it when this came up when I was an admission counselor!)
If he’s starting to get cold feet, remind him why he initially chose that institution. (There were likely some good reasons!) It’s important that he chooses the best school for him.
Once you’ve gotten answers to everything, sit back and relax. In most cases, you still have time, even if the deadline has passed. When push comes to shove, every student does decide.
Do the Heart/Gut Test
The heart/gut test is something that a former college president of my alma mater used to talk about all the time. He’d explain that it’s not enough to take numbers into account. College isn’t a transactional experience — it’s about people! It’s not just about pretty buildings or the number of electives you have to take. He used to urge students to take into account the feeling you’d get — did your child feel like he belonged at a particular school?
Which campus did your son thrive on during the visit? Did he seem to come alive as soon as he met the tennis team? Withdraw when he met the abrasive engineering professor at your alma mater? Did your daughter light up when she met her admission counselor or the quirky communication studies professor with “Citizen Kane” posters plastered all over his office?
You get the idea. Don’t be afraid to go deep on this. Also, don’t be afraid to share your observations with your child. Say, “I noticed you loved the tour at College X and chatted animatedly with the tour guide. Do you think you felt just as comfortable at College Y or not?”
Look for the academic, social and financial fit — and do the gut and heart test. Ask your child where he or she felt most at home.
When you know, sometimes you just know.
If your child hasn’t gotten that “feeling” anywhere by now, go back to the drawing board — there are still openings at schools across the country. Another visit might be in order over the summer, though without students on campus, it can be tricky to feel the same energy.
Communicate with Admission Counselors
Contact admission counselors at the schools your child’s still considering. Trust me, my experience as an admission counselor tells me that colleges want to hear from you and build relationships. They don’t want you to go through turmoil alone.
Explain what’s going on and why there are some concerns. Most colleges have trained their admission counselors on how to communicate their college’s COVID-19 response. Talking with admission counselors is also a good way to evaluate how well a particular college has handled the crisis!
Colleges should make your teen feel better about the situation, provide a real human connection and help your child make a final decision.
A Different Decision May Be Necessary — and That’s Okay
Your teen may not be able to stomach leaving to go to college 1,000 miles away at this point, no matter how many times you remind him about his last wonderful on-campus experience.
This crisis has changed everyone. Tell your child that it’s okay to stay closer to home. Spend time thinking about what other options are out there. Remember, just because your child feels more comfortable with a semester at the local community college, it doesn’t mean he will never go to College ABC. He could be saying “See you later!”
Take a Deep Breath and Be There
Sometimes, it takes the good ol’ pro and con list to finally make the final decision. Sometimes seeing the solid “pro” column helps.
What happens when the “pro” side is a mile long for one school but your daughter really feels the fit more at a different school? Hey, it’s proof that the heart/gut test works!
Teens can feel their parents take an emotional and financial hit during this downturn and need more reassurance and guidance than ever. Support your teen through this all-important decision-making process. Remember, this could very well be the very first really big decision your child has ever made. Think positive: COVID-19 could make you (and your teen’s) decision making processes stronger than ever!
Good luck! I’d love to hear about your child’s final decision!
