I vividly remember working with a student whose dad said, “Whaddya mean, it costs $XX,XXX for my daughter to go to college? I’m not giving up golf and vacations!”
He was joking, he was joking. (I think.)
At any rate, I know that on some level, just about everyone can relate. You may think, “When do I get to do what I want to do? When my kids are out of college? Uh, no thanks. I’ll be what, 70 by then?”
Of course kids are a blessing and you’re willing to sacrifice for them.
But is it possible to have it all? Is it possible to pay for collegeand help your kids through a very expensive part of life? Without taking out oodles of loans?
Yes, it is! Yes, it is. You can do this — even if college is coming at you at 60 miles per hour. It just might take some creativity and careful planning (and maybe a side hustle to boost your bank account). Here’s how it can be done.
Prioritize
My husband has been hankering after a garage for the better part of a decade. Actually, I take that back. He wants a shop. A place to store his tools, a car project and a boat.
Do you need a lot of things all at once? Maybe your husband wants a new car and a shop, you want a new kitchen and you want to pay for college all at once. Life is short, right? You deserve it. You’ve worked hard all your life. But have you asked yourself what you really need?
One out of four houses with two-car garages is so stuffed a car can’t even fit in the garage. (I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m one of the four!)
Each American throws away over 68 pounds of clothing per year.
Americans spend about $1.2 trillion a year on nonessential items.
I’m not saying that the “things” you want aren’t essential. It’s a great exercise to decide your priorities and figure out what’s essential. I know from experience that prioritizing what you want is easier said than done.
How to Evaluate Your Priorities
My husband’s shop isn’t done and he’s getting increasingly nervous about the lack of time he has to build it. In fact, I can almost hear his train of thought: “It’s almost already July and the cement floor isn’t poured yet… When am I going to build the thing because it’s going to be December before we know it? The truck will have to go into storage somewhere else because there’s already snow on the ground… AAAH!”
Poor guy.
But in the grand scheme of things, the shop doesn’t have to be built now. In fact, he could wait another year or two if he really needed to. However, he wants it now so he has enough time to work on a car (which could take years). He wants to be able to have it ready so he can teach our son all about restoring cars as well.
So, there’s a bigger priority in the works here — son and dad time. Priorities go deeper than wants. In fact, they drive to the very heart of our most important values.
How do the things you want align with your priorities and values? Here are some examples. You may want to:
Install a pool to spend more time with family.
Build a bigger dining room to entertain and encourage closer friendships.
Help your child with college so he or she’s debt free after college.
Go on an anniversary trip to become closer to your spouse or partner.
So, what are yours? Getting clear on your priorities can often help you decide how to put your money into pieces and parts that achieve those goals.
Use Your Money to Fulfill Your Priorities
Let’s say you decide your priorities are:
Paying for college.
Building a new shop.
Painting your cabinets (instead of getting a new kitchen).
The car will have to wait.
The reality is, we all have a finite supply of money and lots and lots of buckets.
When you discuss your priorities with your family, maybe you agree that your priority is to make sure your children don’t start their working years in debt and that you want to be able to help them pay for college.
Maybe you decide the full kitchen upgrade is a want, not a need. You can cook just as well and entertain friends in the kitchen you have. Furthermore, you do some research and realize that a full kitchen upgrade won’t give you a great return on your investment when you sell down the road.
You realize you can get along with the van you have. You realize your jealousy of your next-door neighbor’s shiny new van was getting the best of you. (Due to the large scrape on the front bumper from backing out of the garage too quickly. Yes, this is coming from personal experience. My van actually does have a recent large scrape and rock-chipped windshield.)
On the other hand, what if your priorities are different? Let’s say your main priority is to spend more time road tripping with your family. In that case, the van may have gone in the first priority slot and paying for college might move to the second slot on the list, like this:
Buy a new car.
Save for college.
Build a shop.
Paint the kitchen cabinets.
Determine How You’ll Juggle Various Goals
Once you determine your priorities, figure out how you’ll get them done. Have some fun with this! It can be like a fun puzzle to determine how you’ll get to those things you really want. Here are some ideas of how you can go about doing it.
Estimate how much money you’ll need for each goal you’d like to achieve. It might cost more over time for things like college but there are lots of calculators that can help you estimate how much it will cost later on.
Ask yourself how much of your savings you’ll need and when you’ll need it. Do you need the money soon? If so, you’ll need to organize your finances so you can save the money more quickly.
Create an online savings schedule that aligns with your paydays. Decide how much you’ll swoop into a savings account immediately after you get paid. If you do it regularly and often, it’ll become a habit and you won’t miss that money. (Promise!)
Don’t forget to create a separate account. You don’t want to spend the money you’ve earmarked for other goals, so make sure it goes into a different account. It also keeps you going! When you see how much money is in your “other goals” account, it’s inspiring.
Treat this extra savings like a bill. In other words, treat money for your extra savings as if it’s a required payment like a utility bill. Make sure the payments are automatic so they come out of your paycheck right away, every time.
Ask yourself whether you need a side hustle. You might need another source of income to float your project. What are your talents? Can you brainstorm extra ways to make money? It can help you hit your goals much faster if you place all of your extra money in your savings account to reach your goals.
Tips for College Savings
Guess what? The tips for saving for college are the same as the steps listed above for saving for other goals.
What might be a little trickier is determining how much to save. This can get confusing because you might not be sure what type of college your child will attend — community college, state university, liberal arts college, etc.
In other words, how much goes in the bucket?
The rule of thumb is to save as much as you can.
Even if your child only has two years of high school left, it’s worth saving as much as you can. You might not want to sock a lot into a regular savings account because there are other types of accounts that offer tax benefits. You can consider channeling that money into the following types of accounts:
Education Savings Accounts (ESAs) or Education IRAs: These are tax-deferred accounts with earnings and withdrawals which may be free from federal income tax if used for qualified education expenses. Contribution limits apply.
529 Plan: 529 plans allow you to invest for your child’s education or even your own. You can make sizeable contributions every year and also shift portions of assets in a 529 to future generations.
UTMA or UGMA (Uniform Gift to Minors Act): An UTMA or UGMA offers a way to transfer securities to a minor. You’ll call it an UTMA or UGMA, depending on which state your child resides.
There are various pluses and minuses with each type of plan, and it’s a great idea to consult with a financial advisor about which type of plan is best for you. Your best bet is to make it automatic, just like you do with your other savings accounts. (Who knew you could save for a kitchen just as effectively as you can saving for college?)
Staying on Track
Part of staying motivated is making sure you check your progress. Let’s say you funnel each of your savings streams into different accounts. Keep a fun tally system on the bulletin board in your office or on a spreadsheet so you know exactly how much money you’ve saved at any given time. It keeps you motivated and excited as you see those numbers climb. You can go old school with a Post-it Note and jot down all your numbers. You can also use a tool like Personal Capital or Mint to track your spending and savings. (I use both.)
You might not be able to save as much money as you want if you have several goals on your plate. You might feel like you’re getting nowhere fast if you’re saving for four different items. The buckets fill up a lot more slowly when you’re trying to funnel your finite extra income into four different streams.
So, how do you stay motivated when it seems like there are only pennies in the bottoms of four different buckets? Great question. Why not tackle your smallest payment first?
For some reason, this reminds me of the Debt Snowball method. The Debt Snowball method means you tackle your smallest debt amount first. You get an instant win by paying that off, then move on to your larger debt amounts.
In other words, save for one thing (the smallest amount), then the next largest amount, and so on. That way, you only tackle one or two things at a time and you get quick wins along the way.
How to Get Through It When You’re Over It
Sigh. Saving for things often loses its excitement really fast. I remember a long time ago, one of my friends was really gung-ho about saving for a new car and I was really excited for her. She’d mapped out a robust savings plan for how she’d have her beautiful new (used) car in a year.
A week later, I went over to her house and a new car was sitting in the driveway.
She’d caved and gotten a loan. “I just couldn’t wait anymore,” she told me. “I wanted it now.”
It’s easy to take out loans for the things you really want, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s necessary — you may need to take out a loan because you’ve got no other choice. What else do you do when you don’t have the money and your car breaks down? What else do you do when your child’s ready for college and you haven’t saved quite enough?
Anyone at any life stage can experience this. But I always encourage trying to save for the “extras.” Even the things that fulfill your priorities and values but that you don’t absolutely need right away. My husband’s shop is a great example.
You Can Do This!
So, if you want that [kitchen, boat, new bathroom, she shed] but college is coming soon, now’s a great time to start making a plan. And it’s still possible to make a plan if college is catapulting right around the corner (maybe it’s in just a few months)!
You may just need to heavily consider how you’ll make it happen more quickly. You might even need to come up with a more robust savings plan early on so you can prep for those college bills and the things you really want.
The last time I went to the dentist, my dentist told me all about how the college search was going with her senior. (Naturally, I wanted to ask her a billion questions as her dental instruments clinked against my teeth.)
Anyway, she told me that her senior, Will, was happily considering a local liberal arts college and a state school an hour down the road. She said to him, “Do you have a reach school? Somewhere you really, really want to go? Far away?”
He thought for a second. “Nah,” he replied. He went back to playing his video game.
She was kind of disappointed. Later, she asked him why he didn’t want to “see what else is out there.” Will told her he thought it might be weird to do something other than what everyone else seemed to be doing.
Another mom I know has a student who’s completely focused on saving money, not taking out any loans and making it easy on his parents. He’s looking at state schools and private colleges to humor his parents, but his mom said, “He’s seriously looking at community colleges and I’m actually disappointed. Imagine that! Disappointed that he wants to go to college and save us money. But… I just don’t think community college is the best fit for him.”
You want your kids to make their own college decisions, yet you want college to be the right choice the first time around. So what do you do when you feel slightly disappointed (or a lot disappointed) by your student’s shortlist?
Never fear — here are some helpful pointers!
1. Know that it’s Okay to Feel This Way
When you‘re unhappy with college choice or your child’s college search isn’t going the way you envisioned, you might feel sad, confused, guilty and also harbor a range of other emotions. First of all, know that your feelings are normal.
It might bring up reminders of other times in your life you were slightly disappointed. Remember when your daughter decided to give up piano lessons? Or your son decided to choose soccer over baseball?
It’s natural — you’ve invested some major time and energy (and money!) into piano lessons or soccer. Let’s take piano lessons, for example. You invested your time by hovering over your daughter as she practiced and drove her to piano lessons every Thursday. You invested your assumptions (“Wow, she played that song really well!”), hopes and dreams (“Maybe she’ll get into Juilliard someday!”).
The more invested you feel, the more you expect an incredible outcome. Same with college. You feel mounting expectations for your child with every A+ math test and every note from an English teacher that says, “You’re a Shakespeare whiz!”
But here’s an interesting question: Is your child supposed to fit your expectations or are your expectations supposed to fit your child? You don’t want to drive a wedge between the two of you.
2. Make Sure Your Student is Ready for the Next Step
E. St. John said, “There is, perhaps, no college decision that is more thought-provoking, gut-wrenching and rest-of-your-life oriented — or disoriented — than the choice of a major.”
I’d like to add “choice of college” to that list, too. This is particularly true because you might have to ask yourself if what your child’s ready for. Some kids have a lot of growing up to do before they choose a college.
I recruited Jesse, a bright (really bright!) student. He had the worst time getting through his first year of college because, suddenly, there was this gigantic responsibility on his shoulders — how well he did in school depended completely on him. He faced enormous distractions because his friends (seriously) never went to sleep — they just hung out all the time. To make matters worse, he’d let his grades slip during his senior year in high school so he could have fun with his high school friends. In one fell swoop, he weakened his study habits before he’d even gotten to college.
The increased degree of freedom and independence was too much for him. His relationship with his parents suffered and so did his grades.
How well do you think your child will do in college? Is your child a major procrastinator? Is she smart but easily overwhelmed by what’s set in front of her? Know your child’s capabilities and think carefully about whether he or she can handle the type of college you’ve always dreamed of.
By the way, Jesse’s story ended well! He did graduate and is now a teacher in California.
3. Ask Yourself Whether Your Dreams Are Overshadowing Your Child’s
This is definitely a family decision, particularly if you’re paying for college. But ultimately, it’s hopefully your child’s decision. You know your student will be successful if he knows he’s blazing his own trail.
My former boss’ son went to a state university despite the fact that she really wanted him to go to a private liberal arts college. She’s the proud alumna of a liberal arts college herself and works at a liberal arts college and knows the benefits. He had nothing to do with any of it and shipped himself off to a state university. Of course, she’s happy he chose a great state university but had to give up on her long-standing dream of him attending her alma mater. (She’d always pictured his flaming red hair bobbing up and down her alma mater’s soccer field.) It was a little bit of a letdown to know that he’d never play soccer there like she had.
Nobody warns you that you might have to mourn this a little bit. There’s research out there that says most moms have a bout of real grief after they drop off their kids at college. (Note: There’s good news. Nine out of 10 moved on from this feeling within a month or two, and some do sooner.)
But nobody tells you that you might be deeply disappointed for a while about The College Choice that Never Materialized. Lots of kids refuse to go to their parents’ alma maters or where their parents really want them to go. (I’ve seen it happen firsthand after so much effort to attract these kids.)
4. Consider the Big Picture
The goal is college. The goal is to get into college — and make it, and graduate and get a job. (And be happy.) If your child feels he must do X, then X and X to get there (whatever those Xs are) then it’s important to remember one thing: Your child’s still going to college. If you have to tell yourself that a million times, do it. But keep the big picture in mind. Your goal was to save for college — and your child is going.
Now, it’s still important to make him aware of certain oppositions you have. Maybe the school he’s going to isn’t accredited or is in a known gang neighborhood — or whatever. Obviously, if he will endanger himself or his future, it’s not a good idea and you must have that important discussion.
5. Talk to Your Teen
Yeah! Have you had the deep-down, heart-to-heart discussions with your child about college that last late into the night? (This is what I’m picturing in 10 years when my oldest starts her journey. Please tell me this will happen!) Obviously, how much you talk about college depends a lot on both of your personalities and how open your child is to talking about the college search.
Evaluate the Academic Fit Together
The academic fit is obviously one of the most important parts of the college experience. Ask your teen what he’d like to get out of the academic experience and what his priorities are.
Talk about the academic differences between a community college, a state university, a liberal arts college as well as undergraduate business schools and other types of colleges within the college. Talk about academic rigor between like institutions. A small rural college might pack an academic punch but an Ivy League institution is obviously going to kick it up a notch.
It might be interesting to hear about his biases and perceptions. Make sure your teen is getting his information from a reputable source. His well-intentioned assistant baseball coach might not be as reliable a source as a college professor, admission counselor or financial aid representative.
There’s no shame if both of you aren’t sure what the exact facts are. That’s what the college search is all about — it’s a fact-finding mission. Do whatever you can to be sure you’re getting the right facts about academics.
Also, remember that a lot of colleges pay to be on the “Best of” lists. Use your best judgment when you’re Googling yet another “Best Small Liberal Arts Colleges in the Northwest” list. Your best bet is to visit each college, ask lots of questions, sit in on classes and make those determinations for yourself.
Talk About the Importance of Social Growth
I’m going to flat-out say it: There’s a big difference between a commuter college versus a residential campus. If your child’s a social butterfly, she may already be thinking she wants to live in a sorority or on a residential campus. She may naturally gravitate that direction.
A more introverted student may want to go the community college route because he’s hoping to live at home and keep life how he knows it.
But what’s best for both of these types of students in terms of social growth? An introverted student might thrive at a university, a bubbling social butterfly might be able to focus better in a smaller environment.
Have a Discussion About Retention
Retention rate is certainly something that doesn’t come to mind immediately during the college search. I believe it deserves careful investigation.
What is retention, anyway? A college or university’s retention rate is measured by its percentage of first-time, first-year undergraduate students who continue at that school the next year. Let’s use my recruit, Jesse, as an example. He studied full-time in the fall semester of 2016 and kept studying at the college during the next fall semester. He was included in that cohort of students who retained during their first year.
Here’s an easy way to learn about a school’s retention rate. Check out College Navigator from the National Center for Education Statistics. I really love that tool! Just type in the name of the school, find it in the drop-down, then click on “retention.” You’ll be able to see first-year retention and overall graduation rates and a lot of other great information.
You want this retention rate to be as high as possible. Steer clear of a college if its retention rate is really low — like in the 30th percentile. This means a large number of students transfer out after freshman year. If your student is really excited about a college with a low retention rate, you’d better quiz the admission counselors at that school about why its retention rate is so low.
Talk About How a Visit is Really Important
Has your teen already decided where he’s going to go without checking it out?
Just because your child’s got his mind made up, try to strike a deal. Teach your child how to schedule a college visit at one large, one medium and one small school to give him an array of options.
Talk About Money
Is your fear about money manifesting itself in disappointment? In other words, are you disappointed because your child has chosen a really expensive school and you’re not sure you can make it happen?
Conversely, have you set aside a pile of money and your child isn’t going to use it? Maybe he’s opted for a community college but you planned for an Ivy League. Is the amount you’ve invested equally proportionate to your giant expectations?
The money part of college can bring out all sorts of emotions and fear is a big one. Just make sure your child understands that your disappointment is placed on money — not his or her decision to go to college.
6. Know that Your Child Can Go into Any Industry with a Degree from Any College
This is huge. In fact, there’s some major evidence that pinpoints exactly what matters most in lifetime success. Want to know the secret?
It’s grit. Grit is the passion and perseverance to achieve long-term goals. It’s a stick-to-itiveness that simply having a degree won’t magically do to instigate success. Psychologist Angela Duckworth has said, “Grit is passion and perseverance for long-term goals. Grit is living life as a marathon, not a sprint.”
If your child decides that College X (which you’re not a big fan of) is the best place for him, rest easy if you’ve noticed your child’s excellent work ethic. Your kiddo will be just fine.
Disappointment Happens — But Keep Your Eyes on the Prize
Again, you know the prize is that calligraphy-clad diploma at the end of the road. Your child’s going to get there. Often, good decision making for success in college includes making excellent decisions about college from the get-go.
Make sure you tell your child you’re proud of so many things, including his choice to go to college (even if you’re not excited about the path he’s taking to get there).
Socrates said, “Know thyself,” and in this case, “Know thy child” is so applicable.
Your child may be gung-ho about experiencing all there is to soak up about residential living during his or her first year at college.
On the other hand, your kid may refuse to set foot in a dorm. Maybe she doesn’t like the idea of sharing a bathroom with 30 other girls. Maybe dorm life just doesn’t appeal.
For whatever reason, let’s dig into this all-important question: Will your child get extra financial aid if he or she lives off campus?
In short — no. However, it’s important to know that off-campus living doesn’t affect your financial aid eligibility.
In fact, I think Notre Dame’s website sums it up nicely. It says:
Living on campus does not affect a student’s financial aid eligibility. A standard room and meals amount is used to determine undergraduate students’ cost of attendance whether they live on or off campus.
— Notre Dame’s website
Generally, this is the case at most schools, but it’s always best to check with every school your student’s interested in. Here’s what you need to know.
Why Live Off Campus?
First of all, why do students choose to live off campus? There are a variety of reasons, and sometimes it’s not always a decision your child will make freely. Universities often don’t have enough room for all students to live on campus.
But here again, all colleges have different policies. It’s best to ask. For example, the college I worked for required all students to live on campus. In fact, you needed to petition the residence life office staff in order to live off campus — and that reward was granted just to a select few.
Why’d they do that? Well, I worked at a small liberal arts college. The requirement was put into place to make sure that the college built a sense of community. If even half of the students lived off campus, the college would be a ghost town. I was actually super grateful for that requirement because small campuses need that community feel. (It’s definitely a very different story at a large state university.)
The point of telling you this is to check into a college and university’s policies very carefully when you go on visits. If your child isn’t sure he likes the college’s policies regarding residence life, he’d better steer clear of attending that college altogether.
So, why do some students choose to live off campus? Here are a few reasons:
Potentially less expensive
More space
Less noisy than a buzzing residence hall
Potential garage parking — it’s way easier to live off campus with a car
No residential advisors (RAs) and fewer rules (including curfews)
Increased privacy (no communal bathrooms!)
Easier with work and other social commitments
Roommate choice is more targeted
On the other hand, here are some reasons your child may prefer to live on campus:
Potentially less expensive
Offers a more social atmosphere and a gateway to the campus community
Fewer responsibilities (paying utilities, making rent payments, etc.)
Easier access to the cafeteria and broader food choices
Easy access to campus resources like the library, student center, gym, etc.
No need to drive to campus or take public transportation
Your child is more likely to complete a degree — that one is HUGE!
Services like internet, water, sewer, waste removal, etc. are already built in
Opportunities to participate in residence hall association
Laundry facilities are available
As you can see, there’s a lot to consider when you and your child are thinking through the benefits of each. Notice that the first item on each list is “potentially less expensive” — it might be cheaper to live on campus or off campus.
While that might sound confusing, you just have to run the numbers. Rent will naturally be cheaper in Omaha, Nebraska, compared to Cambridge, Massachusetts. We’ll dive into the numbers a little later in this post. I’ve also created a handy budgeting spreadsheet to help you and your student figure out which option is cheapest.
Note: This entire article tackles financial aid for off-campus housing by paying rent for an apartment, house or townhouse. It’s obviously going to be cheaper if your student lives at home with you and doesn’t plan to pay rent while going to school.
How Financial Aid Works with Room and Board
Your child won’t get extra financial aid by living off campus, so how does the money get distributed? It all starts with a college or university’s Cost of Attendance, or COA.
How Colleges and Universities Calculate Cost of Attendance
The COA is an approximate calculation of your child’s complete expenses. It includes items like tuition, room, board, fees, books, supplies, transportation, loan fees and other miscellaneous expenses. The COA helps determine the maximum amount of total grants and loans your student can receive. In short, financial aid offices use the COA to determine your child’s eligibility for financial aid. The COA may also include other things — disability costs, study abroad program costs and more.
You may even want to alert the college your student is considering if you have any unusual expenses that might affect your cost of attendance.
The COA works with another factor — your Expected Family Contribution (EFC) — to determine how much financial aid your child will get. In fact, it’s an easy subtraction problem. Colleges and universities subtract your EFC from the school’s COA (I know, all the acronyms)!
What’s an EFC? It’s the government’s estimate of what you and your child may be able to pay for a year of college. It’s based on your income, assets, age, number of dependents and more. The difference between the cost of attendance and the EFC is how much financial aid must make up the difference.
When you fill out the FAFSA for your child, you’ll need to indicate whether your child plans to live on campus or not.
So, let’s apply all this to an example. A student named Rachel plans to attend College A in the fall. She and her mom filled out the FAFSA together and found out that her Expected Family Contribution (EFC) is $12,000. College A’s Cost of Attendance (COA) is $52,000 — again, this includes tuition, room, board and fees. The difference, $52,000 – $12,000, equals $40,000 — and within that figure is room and board. Financial aid calculations will be different for students who live in off-campus housing and $40,000 must be made up through financial aid.
Which is More Expensive — Living On or Off Campus?
Is off-campus housing always less expensive than on-campus housing? (I’ve heard so many college kids say that.)
The truth is that Trulia’s 2018 Market Trends Campus Report said that in 28 of 48 colleges and universities it surveyed, it was either the same price or cheaper to be off campus, with average savings of $219 per month for those with a roommate. Meals were included in the housing options for 8 of these 28 colleges and universities, which added to the expense. Removing these schools from consideration brought the average monthly savings in off-campus housing down to $146.
I did some more digging to find the actual cost of living on campus compared to living off campus:
Average cost of room and board, according to Debt.org:
$8,887 per school year at public colleges and universities
$10,089 per school year at private colleges and universities
Average apartment expenses, according to Debt.org:
$1,178 per month for a two-bedroom apartment
$112 per month for the electric bill
$50 per month for internet
Total: $16,080, assuming your child doesn’t have a roommate
So, here’s what I can tell you for sure, because there are so many variables: At first glance, an off-campus apartment may look way cheaper than the price of room and board, but you have to add in costs for electricity, gas, water, waste disposal, cable and internet — it all adds up fast.
In fact, there might even be hidden surprises you’re not thinking of as a parent. (You may own your own home now — it’s easy to forget about things like lease deposits!) Here are some often-forgotten extra expenses I came up with:
Don’t forget about summertime rent! Remember, leases are typically year-round, not just the nine months your child is in school. That can add more to the bill.
Your child will need to pay for transportation. Whether that means paying for car insurance, the subway, the bus system — whatever it is! — it adds to the expense.
Utilities are part of the package. Don’t forget about electric, gas, internet, cable, water and trash. This can add considerably to the expense.
A deposit is also part of the deal. The drawback to having to pay a deposit is that you have to pay it in the first place — and can lose it if your apartment is in a shambles when your lease is up.
Roommates might not work out. What happens when one roommate decides to bail out and your child can’t find a replacement? The rent still needs to be paid each month!
Figure Out Whether Your Child Really Should Live Off Campus
Living off campus is much closer to a real-world experience. Rent is due and the lights will extinguish if the electric bill isn’t paid. Is your child ready for these types of responsibilities or is he better off in the relative comfort of dorm life? If you know for sure that your child will subsist on Easy Mac and needs an RA to help handle roommate squabbles, it might be better to stick to residence hall living.
On the surface, it might look like living on campus versus off campus is solely a money decision, but consider where your child would thrive most. If your son thinks of himself as a gourmet chef, he may hate eating the on-campus food and text you green-faced emojis daily. (That alone will probably tell you whether he or she is ready to live off campus.)
Don’t forget that there are ways to reduce the on-campus costs if you really want to. Your student may want to expand her leadership skills and get plugged into a resident advisor (RA) position. Here’s a major perk: RAs usually get free room and sometimes free board! Now, it’s true that your student may find that RA jobs are only reserved for juniors and seniors. However, your son or daughter might be the token sophomore that gets chosen! (I’ve seen it happen lots of times.) Your child will need to prove good grades and extracurricular involvement and will likely also have to go through a rigorous interview process.
Determine a Budget
You may want to talk your child through a budget prior to the start of college whether he or she decides to live off campus. In fact, to save you a little bit of time, I developed a budget worksheet for you and your child. You can copy this worksheet and adapt it to your needs. It’ll tally up all the costs for you automatically. It’s nothing fancy — maybe someday I’ll get a chance to make it really pretty!
Compare your student’s total expenses with his or her total income. Your child’s income should be greater than his or her expenses. If this isn’t the case, try to help your child reduce expenses and/or work to increase his or her income. This may show you clearly whether it’s cheaper to live on campus or off campus. Explore these options on every visit and while you build relationships with admission counselors and financial aid personnel at various schools.
Think of the Whole Picture
No, you don’t get extra financial aid for off-campus housing — even if it’s more expensive than living on campus. So, the moral of the story may be this: Don’t make cost the only factor when you and your child decide whether living off campus is a priority. There are lots of other things to consider — including your child’s sense of responsibility.
Here’s something else to consider: Check to make sure your financial aid and tuition plans cover off-campus housing. Direct student loans, 529 plans and prepaid tuition plans have certain rules about how your student is allowed to use the money.
My husband likes to get up every Saturday morning and watch fishing shows. He’s not even really an avid fisherman; he simply enjoys watching professional fishermen reel in giant, slimy fish. My kids like it, too. They all group around the television and “Ooh” and “Ahh” every time some guy catches a largemouth bass.
Why am I telling you this? Because you may feel like finding the right college is kind of like finding the biggest bass in Lake Okeechobee. Right?
Building relationships with people at colleges can make the “fishing” process seem a little less daunting. It brings more clarity to the college search and helps your child hone in on those “Aha” moments.
Anna Dealy, associate director of advancement communication at the Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, Massachusetts, used to work in enrollment at a private liberal arts college. She says her favorite part of working in admission is building friendships with students and families.
Dealy says it’s important for parents to help students understand that colleges wantto get to know you, then help guide the relationship-building process.
“It helps for students to know that those of us working in enrollment aren’t scary,” says Dealy. “We want to meet students and want them to succeed. Maybe if they know that from the beginning, they might not think building relationships with admission offices is so foreign and unknown.”
The thing is, you and your high schooler have to work toward building relationships. Plus, your student has to be willing to get on board. (That may feel like reeling in a shark!)
As with most things, it’s better to do it together.
Add College Contacts with Your Student
Make sure you reach out to people during the college search together. It’s really intimidating for your child to have to do it alone, particularly when your high schooler may not be great at getting to know new people. That said, anytime you need to talk with a financial aid officer, set up a college visit, talk scholarships with an admission counselor — whatever it is — put your child on speaker and encourage him or her to make the first move. It’s time to start learning how to interact with anyone now — it’s good life skills training.
Encourage Your Student to Attend High School College Rep Visits
Encourage your kiddo to attend college rep visits at his or her high school. Colleges usually make the rounds at high schools in fall and spring and intermittently during the winter.
It’s a great idea to get to know admission counselors through those visits. Your child’s school counselor or college and career counselor will have a list of dates when colleges will visit.
You may hear that high school teachers prefer that your child stays in class, but this is a great relationship-building opportunity, particularly if your child’s classmates all stay in class! That way, your child will get lots of one-on-one attention, particularly if your student has an eye on a smaller school.
How can you do this together? You might want to request some private time with the admission counselor and your child if you have specific questions. Call the high school and find out whether the college rep can spare some extra time. Or go directly to the source and contact the college rep.
Get to Know Alumni
Even if alumni graduated 20 years ago, they’re still great people to build relationships with because they’re the ultimate cheerleaders. They can be great at explaining the heart and soul of an institution — that usually doesn’t change! (You’ll still hear current students talk about some of the same things that older alumni describe.)
Alumni may also do interviews with your student as a required or optional part of a school’s admission process. In that case, you can help your child set up the interview, but it’s best if you stay home. You can help your child dress for success, practice interview tips and make sure your child follows up after the meeting. This is just one area where you’ll have to sit on the sidelines!
Go to College Fairs with Your Child
College fairs are a great way to learn more about what colleges offer. Go to a college fair with your child so he or she doesn’t have to go it alone. The school counselor at your child’s high school should have a list of local and regional college fairs you can attend. National college fairs can also offer a great opportunity for you and your son or daughter to communicate with a college representative together — these fairs are usually packed.
Come with a list of specific questions about campus culture but leave the questions about class size at home. You can find that online.
Oh, and make sure your child asks the first few questions!
Give Your Child Opportunities to Get to Know Students
Obviously, the students are the life and soul of a college or university. The best place to get to know them is during college visits on campus. Encourage your child to talk to the students during these visits. This can be such a challenging thing for a high schooler! They might feel like they’re kindergarteners all over again.
Prep your student ahead of time for what to expect. There’s nothing worse for a college student tour guide than trying to give a tour to a family who’s too timid to ask questions or make conversation. It’s also tough on the tour guide when parents dominate the conversation — FYI!
Beyond the college visit, are there students around your community who attend the colleges your child is interested in? They can clue them in on a lot — campus culture, tips for navigating the first year, the best residence halls, where to go for resources, programs, etc. It’s fun for your student to hear all this from a student perspective and it’s instructive because you also get away from all the college marketing hoopla. College students can be completely real and help your child get the scoop on it all.
Meet with Faculty and Staff
Meeting with faculty and staff is one of those things that can make a kid die a thousand deaths, as you probably already know. Talking to a financial aid guru, faculty member or other staff member can be terrifying for a 17-year-old high school student. This is one of those times when your child may never say, “Mom, I need you,” but he does!
“Faculty members can really give students that level of comfort that someone in enrollment might not know about the details in the area of study and success stories. Faculty are huge resources of finding the right fit. That’s what it’s all about for students — finding the right fit,” Dealy says.
Yessss.
Getting to know faculty and staff may even help college professionals “look out” for you during the college search. Here’s an example. When I worked in the admission office, a professor decided to collect money from other faculty and staff to offer up scholarships for deserving students. He amassed an impressive amount — enough to offer students an extra $1,000 to their aid awards.
He asked admission counselors for the names of who they thought deserved the scholarships the most. I very vividly remember him asking me about the students in my territory.
Naturally, the students who knew our admission counselors best received the scholarships because they’d gone through the trouble of building relationships with them. Obviously, this is a super-specific example and doesn’t happen at every college, but do you see how there could be far-reaching benefits for students and families?
Know Your Student’s Admission Counselor
Getting to know admission and financial aid is a good place to start, says Dealy.
“Based on the people I’ve met in the enrollment industry, we want to be resources and advocates, help students thrive, help them find the right fit and go out in the world and be successful. We believe that all students can do that and we want to help them along on their journeys,” Dealy says.
Exactly!
Get in Touch for All the Right Reasons
So here’s the other thing. When you’re “fishing,” you want to be sure you’re fostering genuine relationships with college contacts. This isn’t a good approach: “Let’s make friends with key people at colleges just so they go above and beyond to help us.”
It’s got to be genuine and sincere, because, if anything, you’re teaching your child how to be a really nice person. The best relationships are reciprocal friendships — each party gets something out of it. Yes, college representatives are “hitting goals” by getting your child to attend their colleges. But most really, really want to recruit graduates — students who will enroll, love the experience and graduate to be proud alumni.
I signed up to be part of a study: The Mayo Clinic GENERATE (GENetic Education, Risk Assessment, and TEsting) Study. Here’s a snippet of the cheery email that appeared in my inbox:
We are very excited to share that the study is now open to anyone who has a first-degree relative who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, regardless of genetic testing status. You can read more about our updated eligibility criteria at https://generatestudy.org/participation/.
Basically, if I get accepted, I’ll undergo genetic testing which will tell me whether I have the markers for pancreatic cancer.
Yippee.
My mom developed pancreatic cancer at 55 — the same year my daughter was born. I remember thinking, “I refuse to raise my daughter without my mom around. I can’t do it!” But the odds were stacked against us.
Despite the fact that everyone told me to stay off the internet, I’d Googled the statistics anyway: For all stages of pancreatic cancer combined, the one-year relative survival rate is 20% and the five-year rate is 7%, according to the American Cancer Society.
Fast forward seven years: My daughter still has her grammy. My mom beat all the odds, and she’s a nurse now fighting COVID-19. (Ask me how I feel about that.)
Anyway, as you can imagine, it’s a bit terrifying to think about what the tests will find. And oh, geez, the implications: Will I be around for my kids? If not, what will happen to my husband (emotionally and financially)?
I Realized I Need Life Insurance
Signing up for this study was the club to the head I needed. Nothing like signing up for a cancer study to assist you in realizing your own mortality. Gah. I’d gotten a sizable policy through my old job at the college and I have one through my current full-time job, but it’s not worth much.
The point of getting life insurance is this: What if I die early and can’t help my husband pay for college for my kids? What if I die before our house is paid off? It might not be from cancer, either. I could get in a car accident or fall off a ladder.
How Does Life Insurance Work?
Life insurance is pretty easy to understand. You pay a recurring amount of money, called a premium, to an insurance company. The insurer pays out a tax-free sum of money to your beneficiary or beneficiaries if you die while the policy is active. This is called a death benefit.
Life insurance helps with expenses upon your death, such as:
Replacing your income
Paying off a mortgage
College costs
Funeral and other end-of-life costs
Day-to-day bills
Cosigned debt
Child care or dependent expenses
Medical expenses or long-term care (Certain life insurance policies offer an accelerated death benefit rider which means you can access a portion of your death benefit if you’re diagnosed with a terminal illness. Doing so while you’re still alive could help with medical or other expenses when you can’t work.)
You can choose from different types of life insurance:
Term life insurance lasts for a set number of years before it expires.
Whole life insurance is a permanent life insurance policy. It offers a death benefit and a cash value — a tax-deferred cash value account that accrues interest at a predetermined fixed rate. A certain portion of the premium you pay goes into the cash value of the policy, which offers a guaranteed rate of return.
Universal life insurance is also a permanent life insurance policy. It also has a cash value, but you can use the cash value to pay the premium, or let your accrued interest pay your premium each month.
Variable life insurance has a cash value and is similar to investing. Money that you pay in goes into a series of accounts like mutual fund accounts. You can gain or lose money, depending on the markets.
Variable universal life insurance lets you adjust the premium and death benefit amount while investing the cash value in the policy’s cash value.
Final expense insurance covers the cost of anything associated with your death, which could include medical costs, a funeral or cremation.
Group life insurance is exactly how it sounds. You purchase it through your employer.
Simplified issue life insurance allows you to get insurance without a medical exam, but you do have to fill out a questionnaire.
Guaranteed issue life insurance allows you to get insurance without a medical exam or a questionnaire.
I Chose Simplified Issue/Term Life Insurance
In my opinion, I firmly believe that term life insurance is the best option for most people. First of all, the point of term life insurance is to cover you while you still have dependents, a mortgage, etc. Eventually, our kids will be grown and the house will be paid off. My husband and I may not need life insurance after that. Plus, because term life insurance expires, it’s cheaper than whole life insurance and the rate and payout never change. I liked the idea that we’ll pay the same amount every month and my death benefit won’t change.
I also didn’t want to go through a medical exam — particularly during COVID-19.
I Chose Bestow
One of the reasons I chose Bestow is because I fell prey to the mere-exposure effect. Have you ever heard of that powerful psychological term? It’s when you develop a preference for things merely because you’re familiar with them. It’s also called the familiarity principle in social psychology. (If you’re good at marketing or sales, you know the power of this psychological phenomenon.)
Bestow is one of a million insurance agencies — you don’t have to choose the same one I did.
Bestow offers policies provided by North American Company for Life and Health Insurance®. Bestow only offers 10-year and 20-year term policies and the 20-year term is only available if you’re under 45 years old.
However, I also chose Bestow because there’s no medical exam, Both plans allow you to cancel any time, without paying any fees. You can apply for a plan in a matter of minutes online and get approved quickly. Dust off your hands. You’re done.
Plus — no blood draw? Sign me right up.
Here’s How I Signed Up
The process couldn’t have been easier. First, I filled out some basic information.
I chose 20 years because of my kids’ ages — they are seven and four, so 10 years wouldn’t be quite enough.
Then, I added my address and email address. And created a password:
It took me to this screen:
I needed to answer a few questions about my health, such as whether I have high blood pressure, cancer, etc. I also needed to check the boxes on whether I SCUBA dive, skydive or other types of high-risk activities.
A popup did ask whether a parent of mine had died of cancer or heart disease before age 65. I was able to say “No!”
I added my beneficiaries and my credit card payment. I monkeyed with the coverage a bit, then hit “Enter Your Payment” and I was set. Covered for 20 years!
Peace of Mind for the College Years
Is your child heading to college this fall? In that case, it’s still a good idea to get life insurance if you plan to use a tuition installment plan for college — you may not quite have saved all the money you need for college and plan to do it per month.
Bestow in particular only insures people ages 21 to 55, so look into different life insurance options. Life insurance is more expensive as you get older. Also, the more health problems you have, the higher your rate will be — or you could be denied altogether.
Think about this, though — I’m going to be really straightforward here. It’s totally possible to contract a disease and die within a four-year period, while your child is in college. My reality is that for all stages of pancreatic cancer combined, the one-year relative survival rate is 20 percent and the five-year rate is seven percent.
Protect Your Family
These days, it doesn’t require a whole lot of effort to get life insurance. And really, if you prefer to find the cheapest option possible, you might want to undergo the medical exam. It could save you some money in the long run.
Getting life insurance is a great way to say, “I love you!” to your family members. It’s one way to care for them the way they deserve — and it’s also a great way to help your spouse or kids do any number of things after your death, including go to college.
1. Know that it’s Okay to Feel This Way
